I DON'T HAVE TO MAKE ANOTHER AP ART PORTFOLIO. 
   
    This is an amazing thing. Since 10th grade, I have had a period of my life that became utterly consumed by my portfolio. AP portfolios consist of two parts: a breadth of work to show you are a "jack of all trades" in the medium and a concentration of one idea that evolves and shows progress. Both parts are equally difficult. The breadth stretches you and you realize how much time you've devoted to one medium only, perhaps I am good at portraits, but a portfolio full of portraits isn't good enough for the AP board. The concentration is tricky because you not only have to come up with an idea--something I'm terrible at-- but you have to show "progress." This usually means I will finish the required twelve pieces and then group them in order of what looks like the first to the last even if the first piece was the tenth I did. It's frustrating.

    BUT. I finished my last one. There are three, I've now done all of them. 3D was the first one (the carved books) and Drawing (the ballpoint portraits) and 2D Design (the cut paper.)

    AND…I ended up getting the highest possible score so heck yeah world, I'm done and I finished strong and I won't have to do another portfolio for at least another half a year. Dangit. 

But having this knowledge going into college is helpful. I know when I work the best and I can recognize the signs of complete burnout that happens 3/5's of the way there. It's the only thing I feel even remotely confident about so that's good.


-Zenny

    I worked my butt off for this con, maybe because I hate myself or something? Usually I limit myself to one new cosplay every other con but this time I debuted two. 

    On Friday I was Sailor Uranus and once again, had no Neptune or other scouts to run around with. Uranus is my favorite scout,  mostly because I always thought she had the best colors (blue and yellow look really good together!) 
    Saturday was crazy, mostly because it was a two cosplay day. I was in a Madoka Magica group with my friends after they roped me into being Sayaka for them. All of them bought their cosplay but I really dislike the look of the online Sayaka cosplays so I said "Oh, I'll just make it myself!"

Now it wasn't as hard as I make it out to be, after all, there were no sleeves and no linings to be done but man. It was so uncomfortable to wear I swear. We got stopped so many times, it was my first time being in a cohesive group; many people told us we looked great and that felt really nice.

        We were offered a photoshoot by Fight for a Cos photography and even though it was stupidly hot (like in the 90's, ugh it was awful) the pictures we got from it were absolutely gorgeous. I'm really proud of how that group shaped out, plus we found a Kyoko and Nagisa to finish off our roster. 

    After Sayaka, my Madoka, Mami and Hoomura got changed to attend a Kill la Kill meetup so I changed into Princess Uranus. That cosplay, I whipped out of my butt so hard it's amazing.
       Sunday was the 'death day' since it was Neo Queen Serenity day. I've put more work into this cosplay than I care to admit. The wig was probably the worst thing I've ever worked on in my entire life but I got so many compliments on the buns even though I thought they looked like garbage. I have so many pictures from this day which is great because I worked my keister off. The weirdest thing was that it was "family fun day" through some local radio at the con so there were lots of families with their kids. Tons of little girls stopped me to "take a picture with the fairy princess" and I thought that was so fun. Also a lot of nostalgic mothers. So many happy moms ogling over my stuff.

    My wig ended up a disaster zone by the end of the day but everything else made it swimmingly. My staff got lots of praise which again, is a bit funny to me because it was really shoddily made for my standards.

    My overall review is that this was a wonderful experience, for the social aspects and the cosplay stuff. My feet and body are a wreck and I am tired as hell but it was so fun. I got to meet so many lovely people, it was amazing.

I don't know if you have ever experienced this feeling but I will be talking to a group of people and I'll say something stupid. In defense of the stupid statement I will say something else and try to play it off and before I know it I am spiraling down a path of absolute crap and the other people I am speaking to are so visibly uncomfortable but I can't stop speaking for some reason.
It doesn't help that no one in my general area seems to share my interests in any way so I have nothing to say in the first place. Ridiculous. 
I feel very lonely, I miss the friends at home, I miss the friends on the internet despite never meeting them. 
I enjoy being alone but when I mean alone I mean completely alone, not sharing my loneliness with some other person as we sit together in silence. I've been trying to step out and make friends but by pretending to be an extrovert I'm just falling on my face. 

I want to do other things; basically I haven't been able to do art for personal reasons as much as I'd like.

So lets just lay down all the stuff that's happening.

Today and this week, I need to score really well on this math test that's been over my head for months now. I've failed the practice test five times now. 
Tomorrow and Tuesday I need to tie up the loose ends for "checking out" and returning my text books and clear out my locker.
Later this week I will be going up to Georgia and Tennessee on my Senior Trip.
Then later this month I have a birthday party followed by Graduation.
After graduation I'm going on a family vacation and directly after that I start college. Like, we get off the boat and my first day is that day. 

I feel like my heart is going to race out of my chest, I feel very overwhelmed right now. I wish it was just Thursday right now so I could go on my trip, see the whale shark and be done. But alas, it can never be that easy. 

Just help.






-Zenny

MEGACON: the worst best con ever

Allow me to clarify: I had a lot of fun at Megacon. But I also had a hellishly stink-o time.

We start on the low notes to push them out of the way.

First. Traffic. 

Dear God in Heaven. 

I live approximately two hours from Orlando, the drive is usually smooth and very easy. But. This time, the drive stalled and it turned into a 5 and a half hour trip. It was miserable and very irritating. 

Not only did Megacon bring 70-80,000 guests, plus stragglers who wandered in, there were three other smaller conventions going on in the same location. 

So any people were trying to get in, it was insane.

This means of course that it was crowded. Like, look up some pictures, you'll see how bad it was. I remember after going to a meetup I tried to look for my friends and I stood at the top of an escalator and the people below were packed so tightly you couldn't see the floor. Megacon needs to curve it's attendance, open registration earlier, extend it's days? I don't know. I just know that it was way too packed to actually enjoy anything.

LAST great sadness, is that when the day was over my friends and I got a bike ride back to our hotel. During this process the driver in an attempt to not run into some people rammed my left 3DMG prop box into a pole thus crunching it along with my dreams.
This means I will be making them again, better, neater and will be holding onto them more carefully. One can assume that this is a good thing because it forces me to improve but I'll be damned if I wasn't about to break down right then and there.

The high points however outweigh the bad.

On Saturday I was Eren Jaeger complete with stupid boxes, may they rest in peace, and I got pulled into this giant meet up. I hadn't even gotten to registration yet and people just told me "Hey, you should come" and so I did. I've never seen so many people at a meet up. I mean, there may or may not have been more Attack on Titan people than Homestuck cosplayers and if you've been to a con you know how crazy that is. I mean, I think there were upwards of 60 or 70 people, at least at that moment (please remember I can't count for beans.) We stood out on the sidewalk to shoot a video of us all in a line. 

Floridian cosplayers. You wear a long sleeved dress shirt, wig, pants, boots and jacket. Then you stand outside in the 82 degree weather with the humidity. And you enjoy it??? 

The second fun thing was the two interactions I got when I was Eren including a boy running up to tell me "Hey Eren, all you friends are dead."
Also there was this Levi who pranced up to me humming the theme song and took lint roller and "cleaned off" my jacket said "Stay clean Jaeger" and bounced away. I almost died, it was fantastic.

The third fun thing was besides the giant Attack on Titan meet up I happened to wear my Sailor Uranus costume the day that there was a big meet up. I jumped in a lot of groups and so 'For the First Time in Forever' pictures of myself ended up on the internet. (Group shots end up places.) I got to meet a lot of really nice and talented people there. I was also really happy because this was the first cosplay I made top to bottom. I felt like a rockstar.

Until today. Those shoes did a number on me. I am sore from my butt down. I hate wearing heels for extended periods of time.


But yes, I finally know how to 'make the face' for cosplay pictures. To open my eyes a little more, smile a little even if your character is serious or stoic and loosen my lips and mouth. Stand up straighter, turn 3/4ths, lift my chin a bit, don't show your teeth because you'll regret it later.

Maybe I finally know a little about this whole business. 

Maybe.


-Zenny